Friday, October 24, 2008

Shadow boxing With Priorities

Shadow Boxing With Priorities
Having set the big priority list, I feel better, secure in a structured world that is digitized into neat little rows of dots, fragmented and formatted for easy access. The cork board is cleared off and the big list is pegged to the center with Kane knives and razor edged cookie cutters.
Life is approachable in an easy sort of way. It is what it is.
Things are stalled cold.
Hacking has made blogging like chipping at an iceberg to free a mammoth.
It’s tedious and frustrating.
I spend a lot of time problem solving around security and psychology. As a trauma therapist I am aware that security itself is a daydream. A lousy stinky lie we tell ourselves to hold ourselves to task. I put in a couple of extra screws in the locks the other day when I found the block loose. As I said in an article about FEMA and hurricanes a couple of years ago, we live in soda cracker houses held together with spit.
I am the kind of guy who makes sure he spits.
That’s what I learned in Hawaii. Take care of the details you can take care of and go to the beach. Not always in that order.
The details have overwhelmed my agenda. I am busy enough with trivia to have my own game show. I’d call it, “What’s Next?”
I’m not complaining. I think everyone could say the same thing, whether or not they are dealing with ongoing problems or post traumatic stress.
I have learned when to complain and when not to.
For the most part, the illusion of an ordinary life is worth more than a cock-a-doodle do about the difficulties you are facing. I have a master’s degree in shutting up. I will listen to my friends endlessly bitch about their situations. As for myself, I find it very difficult to find someone who will listen. I usually don’t want them to. People are not trained to center and absorb what is going on for another human being. I remember a classic moment at the Naropa University when I attempted to answer the question “Hi. How ya doin’?”
The man I was talking with looked at me like I was smeared with Vaseline and had dog turds hanging from my ears like ear rings.
“Well, lean into it” he said.
Of course I was.
Way into it.
When I talk about things I wish I hadn’t anyway.
People do not normally relate to crime victims, people who grieve or alien abductees.
As I mentioned ad nauseum R.D. Liang mentioned in passing at Naropa that the only thing you can do for a delusional person is teach them not to talk about their delusion. In that way they might have a normal life and socialize. With any overpowering thought pattern or situation it is the same way. At some point you have to normalize what you are doing. It doesn’t mean you can’t talk about what is going on, but you do have to learn to have a broader focus to keep people from getting frustrated because they can’t fix things.
Men and women have a natural tendency to problem solve, even with things that can’t be fixed. They want to do something to ease your suffering. They want you to shut up. That’ll fix it.
God bless all good wishes.
Lean into it.
I have tried to normalize things by putting time in with my Animals.
That way I have something to talk about besides the daily craziness.
They are a lot like me, which is very convenient.
I have two cats that have been battered and crazed by life in the wild. They are sweet things, but they are terrified of coming out of the closet. For the last five weeks I have been letting them be, not touching them and slowing letting them get use to my presence. It is slow process and it reminds me to respect the people in my life who are testing through.
The bird in the living room likes a lot of attention. We’ve been on a honeymoon of sorts. She is a bright life. I have learned that birds are 95% poop, like humans are water. I thrill when she spreads her angel wings.
The kitten has become aware of her.
When she comes out of the closet we will have another socialization problem to deal with. It is not ok to eat your roommates.
That’s life at Aloha’s End.
I’ll try to reenter the narrative part of what happened to me soon.
I’ll pick up where I left off.
I do that every day.

http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/R._D._Laing/

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